


And If You Tumble Over The Edge, I Shall Too.

by QueenOfNewOrleans22



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depressed Brian May, Depression, Fluff, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:48:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25565398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfNewOrleans22/pseuds/QueenOfNewOrleans22
Summary: Brian is going through a particularly rough patch and Freddie is there for him.
Relationships: Brian May/Freddie Mercury
Comments: 6
Kudos: 33





	And If You Tumble Over The Edge, I Shall Too.

_Just Jump._

It'd be so easy. Just inching foward, a little bit at a time, slowly, maybe, at first, but then there would be a drop, and a fast one, at that, and maybe he'd feel the ground rise up to meet him, but surely, it would be a less painful end than just going through each and every day, feeling as if he were walking through concrete with every step, unable to focus on the music, the beat, the strings beneath his fingers that made melodic noise. Minutes would pass with Brian in his own mind, drifting off into his thoughts, a sea of black and ice, and then somebody would snap their fingers in front of his face suddenly enough for Brian to flinch and they'd ask if he was alright, but they rarely meant _are you okay?_ in regards to his mind, a sharp, jumbled mess of cruel thoughts and self-deprecation. They meant his liver, his arm, his kidney, wounds that had barely healed, and he'd always force a thin smile and _yes, I'm alright_ because that was alright, he felt okay in that sense, it was his head that was turning against him, not his body. 

Psychology was a tricky thing. Brian wasn't the most skilled in that subject but he knew enough. Reading about it has not garnered much attention because that's just what he did, read about things that didn't particularly interest others. But it was a curiosity about what we showing on within himself, what was happening inside his brain, that compelled Brian to journey into the Psychology section of the library one morning, his backpack already loaded with books and papers, but this wasn't for a test, or an attempt to rise up to the expectations of his parents. Brian needed to know why he felt this way, and long after his friends had retired to bed had pulled out book after book and read for as long as he could, finding out with each turn of the page that nobody quite knew what caused it. Chemical imbalances was a high probability, and every time Brian read that, his eyes skimming over such a simple word, he felt a burst of fireworks within his chest, bright and red hot, that nasty little whisper at the back of his head whispering that _you are a freak, just more reasons for them to be disappointed, stupid ill freak waste of space better off without you can't even focus long enough to record._

It was raining, fitting the mood perfectly. Fat drops of liquid fell from the stormy skies, rolling down Brian's nose, his cheeks, dampening his clothing. The clouds obscured the stars, bright and twinkling in the black expanse of sky, and that just made Brian feel worse. Earlier, he felt numb, and he had wished to feel happiness, sadness, pain, whatever, _just let me feel,_ and now he feels and wishes to be numb again. The medication made him feel woozy and out of it, but without it, Brian sees and hears too much. 

An arm, slender yet muscular, slides around him, fitting neatly over his chest like it belonged there. Brian is aware of his heart, beating a million miles per minute, and isn't sure what's worse, being alone and suffering freely or having somebody by your side and exposing them to this pain. "Brimi, my love." Freddie whispers, a short prayer, a song without tune. His mustache tickles the side of Brian's face, a part where his curls have been pushed back. "Come inside, hmm? I'll fix you up a nice cuppa tea and we can sit by the fire, warm you up a bit." Freddie said softly, and Brian almost says _no, you're too happy without me I just drag you down don't bother with me just go_ but Freddie feels so nice against him, so warm, firm, pressing up against Brian and grounding him to this life. 

Brian knows that if he slips toward the edge, Freddie would go down with him. 

The knowledge is terrifying. 

Forcing his lips to move, articulate his thoughts into a sentence, Brian managed to croak out "Why?" His voice is hoarse and rough and sounds awful, like he'd been eating gravel. Underused. It hurts to force that little word out. Freddie kisses Brian's unshaven cheek and wraps his other arm around a too-thin torso. "Because I love you more than this world...and this rain is going to be horrid for that hair of yours, darling." 

They sit there for a moment more. The edge and the darkness it holds doesn't look so nice anymore, and Brian attempts to stand. His legs fall out from underneath him. Freddie is there, pulling him up, smelling of mint and vanilla beneath the wet rain. "Thank you, lovely. I dread to ruin this shirt, awfully expensive, as you know." Freddie said, filling up the silence with his endless chatter. Brian could listen to Freddie talk forever. 

_If he stays with you forever patience runs thin can't get too hopeful_

As promised, they have tea and cuddle underneath thick blankets in front of the fire, silence that is not forced, a combination of fear and numbness. Freddie doesn't say so, but he dreads every day and night that he wakes up without Brian by his side, fearing what might have befallen his incredible, melancholy lover. Brian isn't sure what to feel anymore, and only states at those flickering flames. Brian's hair starts to dry, and Freddie pushes away strands of damp hair with gentle, loving hands. Brian smiles, even though it hurts, and Freddie brightens noticeably.

"There you are, Brimi. I was worried I'd lost you among the stars." 


End file.
